Live like it.

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Is it too much to want a group of believers surrounding you?

People you can call on for prayer.




People you can worship with, laugh with, share your heart with–

People who will listen when you speak and truly care…

But will care about Jesus and your relationship status with Him even more.

Is it wrong to expect more out of the ones closest to you than the time of day?

Or the weather.

Or their latest day-to-day routine.

Work. School. Whatever. Does it really matter?

There’s a place and a time for chit-chat, I know, but shouldn’t it weigh in at 10% to 90 of Christ and Him crucified instead of the other way around? Shouldn’t His affect on our life be the next big thing? Shouldn’t “our” lives be only tinged with stories of ourselves and painted over with tales of His work in us instead?

After all, we are no longer our own. We were bought with a price.

So shouldn’t we live like it?



I see this as a picture of my future. Radiant. Glowing. Full of clouds, yes, but still the radiance of Christ, the glory of His Light and Love shining ever through. It fills me with hope. It fills me with awe. And I am feeling inspired and motivated by God and His plans for my life today. It’s days like today where my chin is up and the Son is beaming through the clouds that I need to document and remember. And so I am.

The verse I’ve been meditating on has been the prayer of my heart this week:

Turn my eyes from vanity

All those worldly, meaningless things that distract–

Let Your priorities be mine,

And restore me with renewed energy in Your ways. (Psalm 119:37)

Today I have envisioned what I desire my future to look like…what I want to be doing with all the time I’ve been blessed with on this earth. I’ve had a general goal and idea for a while now, but today I specified. Today I planned out details. Now, I don’t want to get too detailed and I’m praying God is the one behind these dreams. If He’s not, I want Him to stop me. But there’s nothing wrong with planning. It’s good stewardship of your time. But I’m also trying to learn to balance my so-called “control” over situations with trust in the Lord. Whatever that looks like. I’m praying I’ll find out.

“If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that…” (James 4:15)

So yes, I completely understand my dependence on God and His will and His plans. I’m just praying that the desires I have are what He’s planted in me to blossom and flourish and grow.

And what are these aspirations?

Not much has been changed, but merely modified and adapted into something attainable.

-I still feel a call on my life to international, intercultural, overseas missions. I want to specifically reach out to and serve the orphaned and abandoned children in third world countries. And I want to provide Biblical council and encouragement to those I come into contact with, especially women and children.

-I still love to write and want to use this gift to glorify God. Interviews. Newsletters. Blog posts. I want to get other people’s stories out there.

-I am having a growing interest in photography and editing (to a minimal extent) and want to begin exploring furthering my outreach through video content and pictures and books. Podcasts? Vlogs? Documentaries? The possibilities are endless. I want to create.

So today I take a deep breath and I ask, what’s the first step? And I take that step. And then I ask “What next, Lord?”

“Your future is painted by the brushstrokes of your feet.”

Growing Pains.

Today’s entry in my journal…

A long time ago I had the dream to start an orphanage–

I said I would know just how to teach them because I was homeschooled.

When I graduated high school, Dad promised to do whatever he could in his power to make that a reality, if that’s what I truly believed God wanted me to do.

I didn’t know at the time.

And he’s forgotten all about that promise by now.

But, I’ve always had a heart for the orphans– as long as I can remember, I’ve longed to help them and care for them and love them. And now, I believe God is getting me on that path again. His path.

I just don’t know exactly where it leads…

Will it end with an orphanage that I’ve started?

Is that why I’m in Real Estate right now? (Something I absolutely did not like the thought of at the time) Am I making connections to help me when I need to purchase a property? I can only wonder as wonder and hope and wanderlust fill my once empty heart.

When I was at my lowest–

I had forgotten who I was

And who God created me to be.

I wasn’t true to myself and my God-given goals and visions, dreams and desires.

I had friends that brought me down. I should have paid more attention when I told them that I felt like I was degrading in maturity.

They told me I wasn’t.

God whispered that I was.

Guess who was right?



“I am leading you along a way that is uniquely right for you. The closer to Me you grow, the more fully you become your true self, the one I designed you to be. Because you are one of a kind, the path you are traveling with Me diverges increasingly from that of other people. However, in mysterious wisdom and ways, I enable you to follow this solitary path while staying in close contact with other. In fact, the more completely you devote yourself to Me, the more freely you can love people.”


“Please don’t wait. If you feel something stirring in your heart….go with it. That pull is God grabbing you by the hand and wanting to show you something magnificent. Even if you don’t exactly know what to do when you are following the right path, don’t turn back. Be patient and still and know that you are about to be used in ways you never thought possible.” –Wandering With Mary

“A part of me worries that I am running away from something. But more than anything I feel the confidence to chase after my wanderlust dreams because God is with me wherever I go. He created this amazing world and all He wants to do is wander with me in it.”- Wandering With Mary

*Note: In the religious circles I run in, Jesus Calling does not have a good reputation. I have never read the book or done much research on it myself however, I can appreciate the quotes that I posted here as something that resounded with what God has been teaching me recently. 

When God Says Wait

Author’s note: I had this saved in my drafts to post in the summer of 2016 and in the winds of change in life, never got to it. How apt that the Lord is teaching me these simple truths yet again at this very moment. Faith. Trust. Waiting. “Praise Him in the hallway!”

Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.
― Elisabeth Elliot

As I prepared to write this post, I had all these things I was going to say, all these points I was going to make, instances I was going to relate–but that all faded away in the midst of God moving in my life. It’s such a perfect picture, us having everything figured out and God stepping in and being like, “Whoa now, hold on. I got this.”

And isn’t that the essence of this post anyways? Giving up our “control” to God and trusting Him to be all that He says He is, to be faithful and just and true. To fulfill all that He’s promised?

Waiting is hard. It is definitely not a strength of mine. I like to know where I’m headed, have everything mapped out and know who I’ll meet along the way. But that’s not how God works. That’s not faith. And it comes down to this: do we really trust Him? Would we put our hopes and dreams, our plans and ideas and expectations, our very life on the line and give it all over to Him. To die to ourselves and our selfish ambitions and become who He wants us to be. To live the life that He wants?

We say that God will provide, we might even claim it or use it as an answer when we don’t know what to do, but do we truly believe it? Do we believe that He has our best interests at heart?

Let me tell you, He does provide. He is the great Help in time of trouble. He gives us what we need and only just enough to teach us to rely on Him. That is why He should be our daily portion. Not weekly. Not yearly. Daily.



These last few months have hit me like a tidal wave.

I’ve been drowning in emotions more times then I would prefer to remember, have had so many “major” decisions thrown at me, and have experienced God’s hand in my life more vividly than before. I am so thankful for our loving Heavenly Father who holds us in the palms of His hands and lifts us into His loving arms when we think we’re sinking and the world is disappearing into life’s overwhelming icy depths. Praise the Lord for His gentleness and compassion on us! On you. On me.

Our God is the God who heals.

I’ve been recovering from many deep relational wounds and a past of what I believe to be Spiritual abuse. I have grown. I pray I have become stronger. I pray that my heart will soften and that these scars won’t continue to mortar walls of bitterness in my life. I pray that Christ’s love will heal me, comfort me, and flow from me to all the other broken and hurting souls out there in this world, believing or not.

I pray for a fresh start, a fresh passion, a renewed vision.

I pray for direction.

I pray for 2017 and what it holds.


“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” -C.S. Lewis

What to do when you don’t know what to do…

It’s cliché, I know. But it’s a real feeling all the same– the sometimes all-consuming, sickening, nausea that overcomes a person at some point… What am I doing with my life? Do I have a purpose? We look around us at the suffering, the pain, the shallowness, the vanity of it all and we ask, What is the meaning of all this? We’ve all been there, right?

Even as Believers we do this. I know I do. I know that everything is for our good and God’s glory, but sometimes I don’t understand it. I know I won’t ever understand it all. And you know, I’ve come to realize, that’s a beautiful thing. We don’t have all the answers, but we know Someone who does.

I’ve struggled for so long with not knowing God’s will for my life. What does that even mean? Does He have some greater plan that I stray from if I follow my own desires? Or does He give me those desires to cause me to walk in His ways? Does he care about the particulars as long as the Way of Peace is followed? Is there any way to not be in His will?

And as I wrestle with these things, I grow weary. Burdened down. And I think, this isn’t right is it? It’s not supposed to be this hard. Why the struggle? Why all the mystery and deciphering? Why can’t You just TELL me what You want of me. I’m listening. I’ll obey. I just want a direct command. An audible Voice. A burning bush. Anything! 

We fall into the trap of thinking that God works and thinks and acts like us. But He doesn’t “You thought that I was one like yourself…” (Psalm 50:21)

But our God is the God of still small Voices (1 Kings 19:11-12), foggy mirrors (1 Corinthians 13:12), the unknown and the untold (Deuteronomy 29:29). He wants us to marvel in Him, in who He is, in His Works that we don’t understand. (Isaiah 58:8-9) And that brings Him glory. It puts us in our rightful place. (Romans 9:20) And yet…

How do we know God’s will for us?

Yesterday, I understood for the first time (though heard and considered many times before) why I often feel so restless. Like my life has no real purpose. Like I’m missing something important, or I’m wasting my God-given time searching for something I’ll never find. Why I feel so confused and overwhelmed. Much as I know this, now I grasp it, cling to it, more than just comprehend, but understand: I need God. More than my relationship with Him, I need to be with Him. We were created to have fellowship with Him and be in His very presence and when Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, that separated us from Him. We are meant to be with Him and to walk with Him and talk with Him, and see Him face to face. That. That is why I struggle so much. That is the burden on my soul that I could never name. We were created with eternity pressing in on our hearts, always there, always reminding. You need Him. As the Amplified Version says of Ecclesiastes 3:11, 

He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God]—yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end.”

But apart from that which I cannot change for the present (until He brings my restless and weary soul to Him in the future), what am I supposed to be doing? 

I know it’s not just waiting around, wishing and hoping and pitying my lack until I die. That is not the abundant life! (John 10:10) So next, I will scribble my way around discerning the will of God.



Emotionalism isn’t the same as responding emotionally.

Heresy isn’t the same as differing opinions.

Depressing isn’t the same as convicting.

Sobriety does not equal success.

Happiness does not equal worldliness.

Encouragement is necessary. Redemption is required. Hope is helpful not harmful.

Good shepherds don’t beat down, but build up.

The calling is tough, but there are guidelines that should be remembered. We are the people you have been given by God. Hand-picked for each other to nurture and ground in the Faith. We are to strive, both of us, to strengthen each other.

Pray for the people of God. Pray for unity. Pray for our Pastors.


I believe that the Bible advocates a simple lifestyle.

Ok, maybe to put it more succinctly, I feel like the Bible would back up the idea of a “grass-roots” existence, I mean it just seems so right. But—

Christianity is not based on feelings or emotions, but on the truth of God’s Word. We are human. We are fallible. Our heart is deceitful above all things. (Jeremiah 17:9) But God is omniscient and sovereign, all-knowing and all-powerful. His Word is the very essence of Truth. (John 17:17)

This post will be my exploration of the topic through Scriptures and meditations to see what I discover along the way. You’ll be there for the journey and the conclusion of it; we shall see if my feelings, my gut, my intuition, if you will, proves acceptable in the Light of the Ancient Paths.

Thus says the LORD: ‘Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.'”

Jeremiah 6:16

So the first passage that came to mind was this, 1 Thessalonians 4:10 and following:

“But we urge you, brothers and sisters, that you excel [in brotherly love] more and more, 11 and to make it your ambition to live quietly and peacefully, and to mind your own affairs and work with your hands, just as we directed you, 12 so that you will behave properly toward outsiders [exhibiting good character, personal integrity, and moral courage worthy of the respect of the outside world], and be dependent on no one and in need of nothing [be self-supporting].”

We are to live quietly. Peacefully. Hard-working, but not only that, working with our hands to support ourselves. And we should do all this while having a familial love for our brothers and sisters in Christ and exhibiting moral courage and uprightness to the world.

That’s quite an order, but one that draws me as well. We all know the feeling after a long, hard day’s work; that moment when you collapse into bed early, sinking into your mattress to rest your weary bones. Not because you’ve been “straining” yourself at the computer all day, but because you were outside, in the sunshine and the fresh air and you were working. Hard. The sweat dripped down off your nose into the flowers you were planting. Or maybe you were stretching for a moment’s relief after mowing the lawn. Or whatever. Whatever the case, you spent your day in physical labor. And it. Felt. Good. That’s the kind of life I’m talking about going back to. Yes, it’s tough, painful even, but it’s worth it. And I think, the more natural and beneficial way. Better for your emotions, better for your physical health (try lifting fifty pound feed sacks two and three times a day…and all that squatting and stretching and pulling whilst weeding…now tell me your extra flab is sticking around. No? I didn’t think so.)

The New Testament church is one of my favorite examples for living an abundant life, but I think I shall leave this topic to pick up again another day. Perhaps tomorrow? (See Acts 4 if you can’t wait for my thoughts on this one)

“Finally, brothers, rejoice! Aim for full restoration, comfort and encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you wherever you go.”  

2 Corinthians 13:11



I want you to think back to a time not so long ago…

Your childhood.

Do you remember the freedom—no responsibility and an imagination and a will that anything was possible?

Do you remember far enough back to the time when you didn’t care what anyone else thought about you? When you didn’t even know you were “supposed” to care. When you spoke your mind and were utterly transparent because you knew no different.

Now think with me for a minute about the day you got your first cell phone…and when you “upgraded” to a smart phone. Little did you or I know the power of the weapon that we laced so casually between our fingertips. Do your hands ever remain empty now? Are your thoughts ever silent? Or do you have a grip locked tightly around the very thing you thought would save you? I know I do.

I see the problem so clearly when I’m out in society and yet—upon entering closed doors I realize that I’m no different.

I’m continuing my journey today with one more step in the direction that Our Gracious Father and Teacher, my dearest Friend, is leading me—towards freedom. I don’t need my phone to “save me”. Christ already has!

What I need to do is face my fears and see them shining bright before me, their true value in the toxic glow of the screen.

There is no life in a purely virtual reality.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

Christ has called us to an abundant life! Not a life marked by dependence on social statuses, constant updates, and merely a bird’s-eye-view of life.

No! We need a hands-on experience—a rich, deep, passionate, living life that envelops us. So today I’m letting go of one more distraction. Cutting the cords, crushing the idols one by one.

I will not waste this precious life that my God has granted me.

And the sad truth is, I can’t even count how many times my grandmother has asked me, “What’s on your computer now?” (In that sweet worrisome voice of hers)

And countless times I gave her a well-crafted variety of answers, creative enough to ward of any more questions or concerns about the time I was spending…when deep down, I felt a tinge of guilt, knowing that I was being a poor steward of my time.

My friends (and “friends”) can wait. The latest YouTube health video(s) can wait. “Research” and blog posts and countless articles, even devotions and sermons, yes, they can wait too.

For now is the moment to stretch our limits and breathe and create.

To be thankful and really see what’s around us.

To lose our technological tunnel vision and open our eyes!

There’s a world out there people.

More than that, there is a Creator God who wants to show himself to us. Who craves our worship and adoration and unadulterated attention.

But how can we see if we continue to blind our eyes in favor of “connection”? 

Black Mass Premier At Coolidge Corner

The elderly are so wise if only we’d pay attention. See her? Be like her.



“I will make her wilderness like Eden; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of a song!” Isaiah 51:3

solivagant // adj // wandering alone

Yep. That about sums it up. This first step to the rest of my life. And though it may sound tinged with depressing thought, it’s not. Instead it feels like freedom.

The freedom to live to the fullest. The abundant life. The life God has called me to.

The freedom to love. To love God. To love others. To slowly learn to love myself.

God has led me into the wilderness, following the ancient paths, to teach me. To guide me. To grant me peace. Only through times of drought can you appreciate Living Water. Only through suffering can you understand the true meaning of contented, Vine-abiding joy.

This past year has been hard. Really hard. But it’s nothing compared to the joy that’s coming. It’s nothing compared to the priceless lessons I have learned. It may have been hard, but I wouldn’t change my past circumstances for the world. I wouldn’t. Truly.

“I will bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her…and I will give her a door of HOPE” Hosea 2:14-15